The Next Best Thing Syndrome

Over a pile of sushi and an afternoon glass of red, a friend mentioned another friend’s dating dilemma.

After meeting over Tinder and seeing each other consistently, a conversation was had. The I like you, I’m interested. Where is this going? The conversation that naturally comes.

And his response? “I see this going somewhere too but I don’t want to shut off the option of meeting someone else.”

The classic Next Best Thing Syndrome. Its like you are always looking around the corner for who is next. These four dates have been great, but o I have five new matches today. I need to see what they have to offer.

“I felt a really strong connection but now I’m not so sure.”

With every dating website, Tinder and any other app, there are literally hundreds of men/women in the palm of your hand. The app even asks you, upon matching with someone, “Would you like to message him/her or Keep playing?”

Yes, keep playing. Like a game.

It only fuels the syndrome.

The Next Best Thing.

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Do you agree, do dating websites/app fuel “The Next Best Thing”? Disagree?


Comedy with a Dash of Insult and Creep

Heres the thing:

Said dating website is funny and all.  Daily comedy delivered to your inbox.  But mixed in with the comedy is a bit of insult, creepy and just beyond disturbing.

All of this comedy mixed with creep does not come free. Its like a lovely $30-40 a month.  And that my friends is a lot of Starbucks.  Yes, I admit I budget in how many Iced Grande Soy Lattes I could have drank at the Bucks.

So, when hypothtically, one goes to cancel said membership to said dating website….. The canceling part is easy. One, maybe two, please don’t go, please tell us why click through boxes.

Did you meet someone? Ehh…. Did you not see any matches? ehhh…

And then you have like two weeks left on this lovely membership.  And in those two weeks you have not once received an email/wink/flirt/you-name-it put-it-here…. nor have you even had the slighest desire to check in to this lovely website.

And then Day Zero arrives.  The day it officially cancels your membership…. remember when I said canceling was easy?

O NO Friends. The said website sends over 30 winks/flirts/emails/you-name-it-put-it-here on that last day.  It is determined to feature you in as many potential beau’s feeds as possible.  And I’m quite certain it bribes them into emailing you. ALL of them. Perhaps with free entry to the next “in person dating event”?

And yet these emails are still not what one should be looking for.  Dear Sir, if you want to eat my leftover/used pizza crust after I’m done with it??!?! YIKES.

If you are emailing to complain about the weather, it will not entice me to renew the membership. I can go to Twitter for that.

Thank you so much for the barade of men today website.

 Over and out.

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LBD Please

Hello Friday, you are a welcome sight. Its been a long week, extra long without my trusty friend the bottle of wine… Three more days friends and I am plopping myself on a bar stool and ordering a cheeseburger, medium rare, add the bacon. And a bottle of pinot please 🙂 I pledge to eat every single French fry on the plate….

Yes, that has been my craving alllll day but I must see this cleanse through…. must eat veggies..

As a distraction more dating nonsense from the online world:

1) “Hi, from how flabby your arms look, you can be nothing but average. You seem to think too highly of yourself, but then again you are on this website. LoL.”

Dear sir, perhaps you should look in a mirror…

2) “Whatup Beautiful, message me if you want a picture…”

Hmmm a picture of what might I ask? I hear theres a new trend these days of body part pictures…

3) “Would you consider going out with an older man who has a lot in common with you?”

Not one who is 30 years older with multiple children. Sorry. The fellow foodie part isn’t going to cut it.

4) “How do you perfect that face angle?”


5) “You would look amazing in a little black dress, nylons and sexy heels, accompanying me to dinner…”

Sorry buddy but I make my own wardrobe decisions.

I think it might be time to cancel this little online game?

What are your plans this weekend? Someone eat a cheeseburger for me?

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Online Dating = Mini Oranges

The online comedy escapades continue.

I swore I was only trying this for one month. ONE. But now I’m like… just one MORE month… hey, why not? I’m still getting daily comedy out of the thing!

Comedic relief below:

Males, I beg of you, please stop addressing us with, “Hey there cutie.” Thanks but I’m fast approaching the end of my twenties and no longer wish to be referred to as a mini orange. (if this reference leaves you scratching your head, you need to eat more fruit/watch more commercials)

Just a heads up, if you are openly searching for a “winter companion”, I will not respond.

The whole, you should be in a Colgate commercial line….. I give a half point for the effort. Its only slightly better than, “I love your smile.”

Starting off your email with, “From your profile you don’t seem Cray Cray.” Hmm if I was looking for a man who’ll speak to me in abbreviations, I’d head to the bars around 1:45am…. there is sure to be a buffet of males able to talk only in abbreviated form.

And Insults as the new compliment? When you send a one-liner stating “Ugh I don’t know what to do with you (mad face emotion))”… do you expect this to elicit a response? No wonder you are 38 and single buddy.

 And finally, Chocolate. Stop using the word chocolate in your screen name. Chocolatebear, BigChocolate, SexyChocolate. All you are doing is conjuring up images of sleazy 90s music videos… cue the candles, food props and shirtless hip thrusting men.

After leaving you with that visual, enjoy the weekend 🙂

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How Not to Online Date

Happy Friday! In need of some dating humor to start off your weekend?

Well… I did it. I put my toes in the water and created a profile on one of those online dating websites… even though I said I wouldn’t…. I’m such a constant contradiction.

 I mean, who doesn’t know a success story from it these days?

However I find it is worse than meeting people in bars i.e “real life”. Word from the wise, HOW NOT TO ONLINE DATE:

A woman does not (or should not) respond to the following emails:

“Hi, just wanted to let you know, I’ve already married and divorced you in my mind. Thanks for the imaginary memories. Love, your ex-hubby. PS you can keep the dog and I’ll keep the house in Hawaii.”


Nor should one send the below:

“Congratulations. This awesome funny gentleman has been found for you. You can stop your search now. (phone number) You will be glad to go on a date with him, no regrets guaranteed.”


And with that friends, Cheers to the Weekend!

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