Heartbreak Hotel

Well Hello Monday, you came¬†faster than preferred…. ūüėČ

Nothing like a weekend recap to beat the Monday blues.

Only two words are necessary to recap my weekend.

SAM. SMITH.

FullSizeRender (64)

Yes, the king of all things heartbreak, love and the search for the elusive future love, was in town on Saturday.

If anyone has ever experienced the breath taking, stomach pain, nightmare inducing type of break up, you understand Sam Smith.  Or rather, he understands you.

If you are on the seemingly elusive search for future love, his words speak to you.  If you hold on to the hope, that you will find that which you seek, the lyrics most likely hit a cord.

He’s open about pain, about joy and future certainty that despite the journey and the stumbling blocks, the love he seeks will be found.¬† At least, this is my interpretation of what his music is all about.

A number of his songs speak to emotions or experiences from my past, (which I’m guessing many of us can say) and seeing him in person was a romantic and hopeful experience for me.

Go see his show!

And because this post may not have been quite an uplifting Monday experience, here are cupcakes!

FullSizeRender (67)

Who doesn’t like cupcakes?

FullSizeRender (66)

Uplifted yet?

FullSizeRender (65)

How was your weekend?

Not Dazzling

A¬†couple phrases you probably don’t want to say just prior to walking to¬†a first date…

“Off I go, bleeding zit and all!”

Word to the wise, don’t play with your skin 30 minutes prior to running out the door…

Or “Just noticed some sticky white stuff on my sweater….”

These are not dazzling.

¬†I did attempt to find some “dazzle” at the Minneapolis Holidazzle Christmas Village over the weekend….

FullSizeRender (22)

My croissant eating skills may need some finesse..

FullSizeRender (23)

I may be a Grinch, but I did not feel transported back to the German holiday markets I’ve experienced in my past…

It was more about the company, the exploration… and perhaps the cider beer at the bar across the street?!

FullSizeRender (24)

Tis the season though, to search for the dazzle, to enjoy your company, to experience. Perhaps as we get older, we need to remember, search a bit harder for the meaning, the magic, the feeling, the excitement.

So I will be over here, remembering not to pick at my face, prior to a date, and working on my croissant face shoving skills.

HOW WAS YOUR WEEKEND?

Woodrow Wilson

As cheesy as it may sound, honesty is the best policy. If I’m feeling something, not feeling it, you should know.

The last couple of months, dating for me has been defined by honest communication. Not the crazy, did this really happen, I should have thrown a drink in your face, type of dates.

While receiving the communication can hurt, sometime the bearer can feel even worse.

While my dating stories may not be as entertaining lately, lucky for you, and me, my roommate’s are ūüôā And she has given me full permission to share.

I mean, imagine it is your second date. You are sliding down the cafeteria style line at Kramarczuk’s and suddenly your date is singing the Looney tunes song….

And he is serious. Full on, serenading you with looney tunes.

He then walks you through the four different ways to pronoun pecan, in a, I’m enriching your life immensely sort of tone.

And while pecans and looney toons may be odd…. then his intense rage over former President Woodrow Wilson surfaces. Hes yelling and professing his hatred for Woodrow. Fists are pounding on the table. Pounding!

CHECK PLEASE!

A place I suggest for non-Woodrow rage dates:

Grand Caf√©. I’m having a love affair with South Minneapolis lately, and Grand Caf√© just continues it.

FullSizeRender (18)

FullSizeRender (19)

FullSizeRender (20)

 FullSizeRender (21)

Go to Grand Café. Just leave your personal presidential rage at home.

Do you struggle with honest communication?

Ever been on a table pounding date?

The Next Best Thing Syndrome

Over a pile of sushi and an afternoon glass of red,¬†a friend mentioned another friend’s dating dilemma.

After meeting over Tinder and seeing each other consistently, a conversation was had. The I like you, I’m interested. Where is this going?¬†The conversation that naturally comes.

And his response?¬†“I see this going somewhere too but I don’t want to shut off the option of meeting someone else.”

The classic Next Best Thing Syndrome. Its like you are always looking around the corner for who is next. These four dates have been great, but o I have five new matches today. I need to see what they have to offer.

“I felt a really strong connection but now I’m not so sure.”

With every dating website, Tinder and any other app, there are literally hundreds of men/women in the palm of your hand. The app even asks you, upon matching with someone, “Would you like to message him/her or Keep playing?”

Yes, keep playing. Like a game.

It only fuels the syndrome.

The Next Best Thing.

photo (8)

Do you agree, do dating websites/app fuel “The Next Best Thing”? Disagree?

 

Just Too Picky?

I’ve heard it a million times. ¬†And each time I cringe…

“You are just too picky.” ¬†“You need to lower your standards a bit.” ¬†“You have unrealistic expectations.”

These statements have zero applicability.  It has nothing to do with being picky, having high standards or outrageous expectations.

In fact, it has everything to do with having the strength to continue looking. ¬†To believe that you will find the person who has similar wants and needs in life… similar goals, not expectations or standards.

¬†It takes a strong person to admit, hey this is just not what I’m looking for. ¬†It is not you, it truly is me. Lesser people just do the ‘slow fade”….

We have somehow forgotten how to communicate this.

I blame Snapchat…. when you’ve gone from phone conversations to texting to finally only communicating through Snapchat…. you know it was a “slow fade”.

It takes strength to get past the wondering, will he/she call? Is he/she just busy? Was it a “slow fade”?

It takes strength to continue going on those awkward first dates.  It takes strength to continue opening up.

To say, hey this is me, take it or leave it.

It takes a strong person to be continually asked, 50 times at one wedding, ¬†and answer yes I’m here by myself. ¬†And thoroughly enjoying myself, might I add! Please get over it.

To those who are still looking, I applaud your strength.

You are not picky.  Your standards are not too high.  Your expectations are not unrealistic.  You are simply just still looking.

Cheers to you! Now I’m off to Rock the Garden and continue looking ūüôā

Agree or Disagree? 

beer

Bat Sh*t Crazy Good

Its official. It doesn’t matter the time nor the place… nor the age of the man involved..

I have a sign on my forehead… a look about me… something that draws out the weirdest of the weird, the dumbest of the dumb…

The worst lines ever. Or statements. Or questions. It never fails and I don’t know just what it is. Perhaps I need a new perfume? A new hair color or style.

Cue Mr. 6’4 baby blues from last weekend. A seemingly normal conversation, an actual normal offer to buy a drink…

Yet inevitably here it comes… “Can I ask you a question?” Mr. 6’4 wonders. Though I can feel it coming I let him ask his question.

“You are beautiful and seem to have your life together, but you’re 28 and single, are you bat shit crazy?” asks Mr. 6’4….

And cue my exit.

You know what really is bat shit crazy? And I mean bat shit crazy good?

Cuban food. In Minneapolis.

Yes, in Minneapolis.

photo (245)

¬†Victor’s 1959 Caf√©. Have you been?

photo (246)

Hello Bistec Encebollado. I ate the entire thing. In front of my work team. No shame.

The only time the phrase, Bat Shit Crazy, should be used, is to describe how good this food is.

What new restaurant have you checked out lately?

Your life is Perfect?

On a random dinner out, followed by a couple beers… I happened to run into a previous date….

Said date made it to a third date months and months ago. It was not to be.

On this random dinner out, shall we call him Alex? Alex made quite a few statements. Like how ready he was to settle down with a nice girl, between the ages of 24-26. When I revealed my age that just so happens to fall out of his age bracket, he quickly retracted the statement. Alex also declared that soon a man would come and financially take care of me, so spending extra money on an apartment now was fine. I”d never worry again about finances according to him.

Alex said a lot of things that night. Many causing me to choke down my beer. However, the one comment I just cannot ignore..

That now his life was perfect, therefore he can now make someone happy.

I cannot get over this. I was unaware relationships hinged on perfection.

 One needs the perfect job, expensive apartment, perfect schedule and perfect family life in order to have a relationship and make someone else happy?

I must have this all wrong.

What I’ve learned is that the struggle and the uncertainty make achievements perfect. When someone stands beside me through illness, through long distance, through taking a step back and renting¬†that cheaper apartment.. through the not so perfect job.. when someone thoroughly thinks I’m beautiful, despite the fact that my 25 year old body no longer exists..

When somebody stands beside me in the ultimate nonperfection.. that’s when I know it will lead to happiness.

Not when the other aspects of life seem to fall into place.

I want the foundation that is built upon illness, financial stress, distance and perseverance. When we’ve gone through the ups and the downs..

When we talked and prayed through the tough decisions..

When we’ve made our choices together..

When I can look back on all that was built through the great times and the struggles; I’m all in.

Sorry Alex, but I’ll pass on a tour of that beautiful new apartment of yours.¬†I’m a bit busy building my nonperfect life.

photo (6)

Comedy with a Dash of Insult and Creep

Heres the thing:

Said dating website is funny and all.  Daily comedy delivered to your inbox.  But mixed in with the comedy is a bit of insult, creepy and just beyond disturbing.

All of this comedy mixed with creep does not come free. Its like a lovely $30-40 a month.  And that my friends is a lot of Starbucks.  Yes, I admit I budget in how many Iced Grande Soy Lattes I could have drank at the Bucks.

So, when hypothtically, one goes to cancel said membership to said dating website….. The canceling part is easy. One, maybe two, please don’t go, please tell us why click through boxes.

Did you meet someone? Ehh…. Did you¬†not see any matches? ehhh…

And then you have like two weeks left on this lovely membership.¬† And in those two weeks you have not once received an email/wink/flirt/you-name-it put-it-here…. nor have you even had the slighest desire to check in to this lovely website.

And then Day Zero arrives.¬† The day it officially cancels your membership…. remember when I said canceling was easy?

O NO Friends. The said website sends over 30 winks/flirts/emails/you-name-it-put-it-here on that last day.¬† It is determined to feature you in as many potential beau’s feeds as possible.¬† And I’m quite certain it bribes them into emailing you. ALL of them. Perhaps with free entry to the next “in person dating event”?

And yet these emails are still not what one should be looking for.¬† Dear Sir, if you want to eat my leftover/used pizza crust after I’m done with it??!?! YIKES.

If you are emailing to complain about the weather, it will not entice me to renew the membership. I can go to Twitter for that.

Thank you so much for the barade of men today website.

 Over and out.

photo (1)

Online Dating = Mini Oranges

The online comedy escapades continue.

I swore I was only trying this for one month. ONE. But now I’m like… just one MORE month… hey, why not? I’m still getting daily comedy out of the thing!

Comedic relief below:

Males, I beg of you, please stop addressing us with, “Hey there cutie.” Thanks but I’m fast approaching the end of my twenties and no longer wish to¬†be referred¬†to as a mini orange. (if this reference leaves you scratching your head, you need to eat more fruit/watch more commercials)

Just¬†a heads up, if you are openly searching for a “winter companion”, I will not respond.

The whole, you should be in a Colgate commercial line….. I give a half point for the effort. Its only slightly better than, “I love your smile.”

Starting off your email with, “From your profile you don’t seem Cray Cray.” Hmm if I was looking for a man who’ll speak to me in abbreviations, I’d head to the bars around 1:45am…. there is sure to be a buffet of males able to talk only in abbreviated form.

And Insults as the new compliment? When you send a one-liner stating “Ugh I don’t know what to do with you (mad face emotion))”… do you expect this to elicit a response? No wonder you are 38 and single buddy.

¬†And finally, Chocolate. Stop using the word chocolate in your screen name. Chocolatebear, BigChocolate, SexyChocolate. All you are doing is conjuring up images of sleazy 90s music videos… cue the candles, food props and shirtless hip thrusting men.

After leaving you with that visual, enjoy the weekend ūüôā

photo (171)

How NOT to Online Date Part 2

Happy Black Friday, who is still recovering from Turkey overload? Perhaps you are out with the crazies and foraging through the malls. Depraved beings drowning their souls in that fourth cappuccino. Do you even know what you are buying at this point?

Or perhaps you are like me and stuck in your cube, uncomfortably stuffed into post feast clothing..

Whatever path you happen to be on at the moment, I’m sure some dating humor is necessary ūüėČ

So a continuation of how NOT to online date:

Do not send the following…..

“Where do you find it best to business network?”

Well not on a dating website….. duh.

” Hi, I don’t think we’d be a match, but want to meet me for a drink anyway?”

Thanks I’ll pass…. I see what you’re after….

“hi take a chance, promise you won’t regret it”

Umm why am I taking a chance???

“Wow….. hi, you seem spectacular, and fun. But I bet I’m a better cook.”

 Did you just compliment then insult me?

If nothing else, this online dating dabbling has provided daily comedy relief.

Worth the five dollar coupon.

Happy Holiday Weekend ūüôā