Top Ten List: Tales from the Dating Crypt

I’ve somehow amassed quite a few first dates in my time …….

Whether its me or them, is up to you.

But it has been suggested that my unfortunate dablings in the dating world are comedic and meant to be shared.  So why not share these tales from the dating crypt, in top ten format? (I mean dating normally involves food or drinks, so it kinda fits with the blog theme right?)

The first shall be the top ten things not to say on a first date.  Most of you would never believe me, but please let me assure you, they happened.  Its like there is a sign on my forehead, that says please, talk stupid to me.

Top Ten Things Not to Say on a First Date:

1) Yeah, I saw the same movie, but I don’t remember that part, I was blackout drunk at the theatre.. …. (maybe this works on college girls who may or may not be in a current drunken/blackout state?)

2) Did you get your booty from your momma…… (weird; and its actually from dad’s side of the family)

3) Yeah I moved here for my ex-wife, i’m actually in the middle of a divorce….( RUN )

4) Yeah so i’ve been engaged before….. ( Desperate to get married much?)

5 ) If it happens to be a blind date, shake my hand in introduction; please do not rub your hands together and give the “up and down look”, while making some sound close to a moan…  (RUN!!!!FAST)

6) Where is the pisser?  (have no clue what you are referring to….Even if I get the reference, I’m not going to dignify it with a response)

7) So I know you’re in law school, but I’m looking for a stay at home wife? (mentioning this on date one is going to get you a gold digger; I reccomend a pre-nup)

8) A first date at Disney World, sharing a hotel room, is not going to fly.  Why would you even bother asking?  (I will never online date again.)

9) If your ex-wife and I have the same first name, and extremly similar maiden names, probs don’t tell me that…  (Looking for a clone in wife #2?)

10) I have a diverse investment portfolio, like even in a marijuana farm in Colorado.  (Check please!)

What is the worst thing you’ve heard on a first date?

One thought on “Top Ten List: Tales from the Dating Crypt

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *